Words of Wisdom from St. John Bosco

In my office hangs a photo of St. John Bosco with the quote "It is not enough to love the young; they must know that they are loved."* The more I work with teens trying to navigate high school with some pretty heavy crosses, the more I find that this is true.

I recently had a conversation with a colleague who I asked, "Do you remember being as stressed out as these teens are today when you were in high school?"

Some teens go to football camp in high school. I went to yearbook camp.

I get it. Times are different from when I was in high school, but for the most part when people asked me how I was doing, I could honestly say I was doing fine. I took AP classes. I was editor of the yearbook and a member of the science club. I was logging community service hours to beef up my resume for college applications. I went to the football games on Friday nights with my friends. And yes, I probably spent a little too much money on Bath and Body Works during trips to the mall.

When I ask the teens I work with how they're doing, the answers usually range from "I'm stressed" to "I'm so tired." We hear all the time that teens these days are facing more pressure than ever, from getting into good colleges to comparing themselves to "influencers" on social media. I know things are different from when I was in high school. I also know there's nothing I can do to take these crosses away from them. There is only one thing I can do - And that's to let them know they are loved.

I've wrestled with how to best do this. And the conclusion I've come to is that it's different for every teen.

Sometimes it means a high five and "you're doing great!"

Sometimes it means always having candy when you see them.

Sometimes it means showing up at their dance recitals and soccer games.

Sometimes it means coffee and conversation after morning Mass.

Sometimes it means letting them sit in the corner to finish homework during youth group.

And sometimes it just means sitting beside them and saying nothing at all.

Over the years I've found that there is nothing more valuable to teens than presence. I firmly believe that in order to flourish, they have to have people willing to walk with them through the good times and bad; when they're awkward and when they're agile.

If you want teens who can talk about their faith and what matters to them in a high stakes situation, you have to also be willing to listen to their reasoning about whether or not Adam and Eve rode a pet dinosaur. Top athletes are cultivated during recess playing four square. And the star of the high school play builds confidence when you let them sing awful karaoke during a youth group event. In order to have this,

you have to have this:

In nearly 17 years in ministry, I have learned so much - but most of all, I've learned (and continue to learn) that the only thing I really have to give these teens that matters is love. So if you're reading this, I BEG you, before you tell a teen to put their cell phone down and think of someone other than themselves or put forth a little more effort, ask yourself...does this beautiful soul before me know that he or she is loved? Start with that. It makes a world of difference.

*And the same is true for adults.