ABCs of the Tri-Cities: The Story

In elementary school, I learned that a fable is a story that teaches you a lesson. As an adult, I learned that Fable is a Tri-Cities restaurant that serves delicious food in an atmosphere sure to delight any bookish patron. A couple of friends and I visited this branch of Bookwalter, a local winery that cleverly gives its wines literary names such as "Fiction", "Antagonist", "Protagonist" and "Reader." We shared updates on our lives and engaged in lively conversation about everything from 90s nostalgia to what's on our GoodReads bookshelves. And we did all of this over tasty tacos, pizza that was superior to delivery in a cardboard box, and cocktails that made us eager for another visit.

But as these gatherings go, it's not just about the food. It's about the company. It's about the conversation. Ultimately, it's about the best lesson I've ever learned: Everyone has a story, and we have to tell our own stories.

Something I've loved about this ABCs of the Tri-Cities series is that it allows me to hang out with friends and support local businesses, and inevitably while we gather around the table we also share the stories of our lives. Here are a few things I've learned:

1.) No matter how well you know people, you can never know their story the way that they do.- I think that people are well intentioned when they look at me and say say "Oh, Melissa, I know that you feel, think, do, say this when x, y, or z happens." Sure, empathy and sympathy are real, but no matter how deeply you go into a hole with someone, that hole won't look the same to you as it does to them. Another way of putting it is that even when you know someone very intimately, you can never know everything about them. A friend of mine recently said to me, "I love my wife, and I know a lot about her, but I will probably never know how long her index finger is." I've seen the downfall of not sharing anything about yourself with others, but I've also seen the benefit of keeping some things to yourself (or between yourself and God).

2. ) Don't downplay your own story. You never know when it may impact someone else.- It's so easy to get wrapped up in what other people are doing, experiencing, and sharing. It's also easy to compare your life to the ones we see on a screen and think our lives aren't exciting or important. But you never know what may hold meaning for someone else once you share it. I can't even keep track of the many times I've worked on a presentation or a speech and thought it was going to be phenomenal only for it to fall flat in front of an audience. On the other hand, I've also had talks that I thought were mediocre and people have said it was the best thing they've ever heard. We don't lose anything by sharing our stories, and we don't get to dictate how others will react to them.

3.) We all have something to learn from one another's stories.- As important as it is to share our own stories, I think it's also important to listen to others' stories. In fact, I think it's one of God's greatest gifts that we have the gift of listening to the story of another. I'm so blessed to come across so many people in both parish youth ministry and spiritual direction. Catching snippets of teens' stories over a game of Spoons or a bowl of ice cream reminds me of what it is to be hopeful, creative, and excited about what's to come, and sitting at the feet of those who have lived more life than me reminds me that wisdom comes through both triumphs and crosses of our experiences. Even if I were to live 100 years, I'd never be able to have all the experiences this world has to offer, so I'm grateful to get a second hand glimpse from people around me.

4.) You can decide how much of your story you want to share (or not share). - I love sharing stories with friends over a great meal and an even better glass of wine. I've learned so much about my friends, relationships, and life just by sitting with them, and I've laughed until it hurts at some of the stories people have shared with me. I've cried many tears while people have sat and listened, and I've also had the privilege of accompanying others in their sorrow. These moments have all been beautiful, but even more beautiful are some of the things that I get to keep in my heart just for me. And maybe one day I'll share them. Maybe I'll take these things to my grave. That's the thing about having you own story - you can decide when (or if) you want to put pen to paper.

Whether you think of your story as extraordinary or boring; whether you choose to share just a little or a lot, there's always something to learn. Our lives are, in a way, fables that last an entire lifetime. (See Catholic saints.) And I'd love it if I could hear a little bit of yours...I know a place with good pizza and cocktails.

The song The Story by Brandi Carlisle was a partial inspiration for this blog post. Take a listen here.