How It's Going vs. How It Started

The above picture is from August 2019, which I took the first time I went to Atlanta to visit the Consecrated Women of Regnum Christi. I was overwhelmed by the love of Christ that I felt there, and every time I looked out the windows at the Mary statue in the courtyard, I was reminded that she faces the chapel where Jesus is in the Tabernacle. Throughout my discernment, Mary was a constant reminder to keep my eyes on her Son no matter what. On September 4, 2021 I took a picture from my last day with the Consecrated Women. We had just finished Mass at St. Brendan's Parish where two of the women celebrated their 15th anniversaries of consecration.

In between the time that these two photos were taken, I responded to God's invitation to be with Him so He could reveal to me His plan for my life. When I was asked why I was leaving a job, community, and friends who I love, I said that I was responding to a higher love, an invitation from Christ Himself to be His own. During my time with Regnum Christi, that love deepened; I build relationships with so many people who encouraged me on my journey to heaven; I encountered Christ in students and staff at Pinecrest Academy, on the streets of downtown Atlanta and in the homes of families who welcomed us at their dinner tables. During a time of uncertainty, I found confidence in knowing that Jesus was just down the hall from my room, waiting for me in our home chapel. I've been asked again: "Why would you leave a life you love so much?" And my response today is the same as it was back in August 2019: I've been called to a higher, deeper love.

This love is what I bring back to my hometown to a job similar to the one I had before. God has been very clear to me that He wants me to live my consecration here, to bring life to places where life seems impossible, and to unite myself to His life and the love which He showed us on the Cross. This isn't the path I thought I would be on two years ago when I first began my discernment with Regnum Christi, but there is so much peace in this decision that I'm certain that this path is from Him. I remain incredibly grateful for Regnum Christi and the year I spent in community with the Consecrated Women. They will continue to walk with me as spiritual directors, and I will visit for spiritual exercises retreats and (hopefully) occasional mercy missions when my schedule allows, but for now I am so excited to be back in the desert, to live out my charism here in my hometown, and to "put into deep water" as Jesus instructed His apostles in Luke 5. I continue to learn that life with Christ is a great adventure, and I can't wait to see what He has in store!

It has been about a month since I've been back home, and while there is so much familiar about this place and being back, I also see everything with a new pair of eyes. But I think that the greatest gift of all has been the recognition that this really is the desert. It's a place that is thirsting for the love of Christ, and it's a place of purification. Most importantly, it's a reminder that there is still much more to strive for, that this is not our final home. And these sentiments make me realize more and more that I want that final home...and I want others to come with me. In the past few weeks, I've accompanied people at their best and at their worst. I've seen signs of unity, but I've also seen a lot of signs of division (a lot of signs of division). There have been times when I've felt like Jesus when he "has pity on the people because they were like sheep without a shepherd." I've also struggled witnessing people "lead these little ones astray." There have been moments when I've thought all I could do was despair and yet I don't lose faith because I know Who I belong to.

In some ways, the past year has been a story of resilience whose foundation is love itself. I have told many people that leaving when I did was a great mercy of God. He took care of me and provided for me when I felt like so much was falling apart, and in doing so, I saw that the story he is writing for me is one that's uniquely just for me. How many times have I heard people say they're like St. Catherine of Siena when she told the Pope to go back to Rome? And how many people use the words of Scripture to fit their own narrative? I'm not saying that my story contradicts the stories of the saints or Sacred Scripture. However, I don't think God is asking me to be exactly like St. Catherine of Siena or the great figures in the Bible. Instead, he's writing a story that's brand new. There may be some familiar elements, because we're all a part of the same love story. But I am thrilled that my story is one with a uniquely made character - the one he calls His Flower in the Desert.

I've seen the caption "how it's going vs. how it started numerous times, and it's always placed together with a story of transformation. I know I have been transformed, and the transformation continues in this phase of life. The transformation continues until I hear Him call me by name so I can enjoy my eternal place with Him in heaven.