Girl, Pin Your Hair Back
Perhaps you've heard of the book Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis, Perhaps you've heard that there is a follow-up titled Girl, Stop Apologizing. I preface this post with the disclaimer that I have not read either of these books. Many of the reviews have led me to believe that I wouldn't relate to them anyway. My claim is that these books and many like them promote the idea that we (women in particular) should be unashamed of making our mark on the world, engaging in self - care, and relentlessly pursuing our goals.
The problem I have with this concept is the same problem I have with people who say "It's ok...be selfish!" Do I agree with the concept of self-care? Absolutely. Should we have opportunities to take time outs and say no to people? Of course. Have we earned the right to treat ourselves every now and then? Yes! But here's the thing: Your life isn't all about you!
In a selfie world filled with self-promotion and me, me, me, it can be so hard to remember that we're part of a whole. There's something bigger than us, and all the self-help gurus and motivational speakers can't determine that for us. Our hearts yearn for something bigger than just ourselves, and we can't find it on our own.
On this International Women's Day, I am thinking about two very special women: St. Felicity and St. Perpetua. St. Perpetua was a married noblewoman, and St. Felicity was her servant. Together these two women died for their Christian faith because they knew that their lives weren't just their own. They knew that there was something bigger that was worth dying for. St. Perpetua was said to look forward to meeting her Lord and pinning her hair back as she faced the beast that would attack her.
Reading this story, I have to wonder what could possibly cause a woman to worry about her hair in such a trying time. One may think it was vanity, but on the contrary, I think it was humility.
As a reflection in Lent, we often hear the Scripture passage where Jesus tells his disciples the following:
"“So when you give to the poor, do not sound a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, so that they may be honored by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full. “But when you give to the poor, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving will be in secret; and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you. “When you pray, you are not to be like the hypocrites; for they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on the street corners so that they may be seen by men. Truly I say to you, they have their reward in full.“But you, when you pray, go into your inner room, close your door and pray to your Father who is in secret, and your Father who sees what is done in secret will reward you. “And when you are praying, do not use meaningless repetition as the Gentiles do, for they suppose that they will be heard for their many words. “So do not be like them; for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him."
These words don't make sense to a world that seeks honor and prestige. The modern woman may also think it doesn't make sense for a young woman to give her body over to animals that are going to tear her apart because of her faith. But in a world that values the soul more than it values the flesh, it's the only thing that does make sense because the temporal body isn't nearly as important as the eternal soul.
I'm reading a book that a friend of mine passed on to me called Humility Rules: Saint Benedict's 12 Step Guide to Genuine Self-Esteem, which has proven to be both hilarious and helpful. Does it seem like an oxymoron to use humility to build up self-esteem? Don't we think of humility as making yourself small and self-esteem as assuring yourself as confident? The author of the book, J. Augustine Wetta, OSB says Saint Benedict would claim we should instead focus on "how to relate to one another and to God in light of our strengths and weaknesses. But such clarity of vision begins to develop only when you take the focus off of yourself and devote yourself body and soul to a higher purpose." This is what St. Perpetua was doing when she went to her martyrdom. In standing up for the truth, she pointed towards a higher purpose that she recognized as more valuable than her own self - and she did so with joy, understanding the glory that would come with it, and it was a glory that wasn't even hers! That kind of sacrifice comes from a deep humility - and you won't get that by following a self-help guru's command to wash your face!
So ladies, on this International Day of Women, let's pin our hair back and take steps towards a higher purpose that is much bigger than one we can ever dream of by ourselves!