Playground Rules

The beginning of the school year is definitely upon us, and I have been looking at ways that I can better connect with the kids. Yesterday I told one of the 8th grade girls I work with that I would join her and her friends in the cafeteria for lunch.

Rather than warming up my meal and scarfing it down in front of my computer at my desk, I sat with a group of about 6 middle schoolers. It definitely took me back to the time when I was 13 years old at St. Mary on the Hill School in my navy shorts and white polo shirt. I have to say that things haven't changed too much. You can still see distinguishable clusters of friends claiming "their tables," and teachers monitor the room to ensure there are no food fights and that everyone picks up their trash. The assessments of the cheese pizza are the same (I mean, is there anywhere else that you can get a rectangular slice of pizza?), and Goldfish crackers are still a popular lunch bag item.

What I loved even more than sharing lunch with these beautiful children of God was that they invited me outside to recess with them to play 4-square. Now, I was never much of an athlete in school, and my recesses were usually spent hanging out on the monkey bars or sitting under a shady tree. Neither 4-square nor tetherball were my strong points, but I figured it would be fun to go out to recess anyway. The kids convinced me to join them in the game, which I reluctantly conceded to. Of course, I was smart enough to ask the one question that matters the most at that age:

"What are your rules?"

You see, I may not have been a big recess jock, but I did know enough to know that each playground can easily have different rules to the same game. I quickly learned that our kids are allowed to catch the ball and bounce it around their back. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought catching the ball was completely not allowed in 4-square! But these kids all subscribed to the same rule, so it worked just fine, and we all had a good time. The best part of the game was that when I announced I had to go to work, they all gave me high fives and hugs. I left that playground feeling better than I ever did when I was actually their age.

When I got back to my office, I got to thinking about "the rules." Of course, when you're kids, you can make up your own rules when you play. But I can guarantee if I had broken one of the rules that these kids had set forth (like engaging in aggressive play or letting that ball go out of bounds), I would not have been invited to come back tomorrow. Why is it that when we're adults, we become so much more permissive of rule-bending? Why have we allowed so many exceptions to rules? It leads me to wonder where we would be if we were a little more like these kids, sticking to the rules that we've agreed upon so we could all have a good time.

And yes, I'm going to say it. I'm going to be critical of my Church. What if the rules that were applied to lay people also applied to the hierarchy when they stepped out of line? Does a red hat make you so different from an ordinary parishioner sitting in the pews? I would hope not.

As I watched a group of 13 year olds play, I realized once again that we can learn some things from them:

1. They recognized the rules of the game and obeyed them.

2. If someone started to stray, they weren't afraid to call it out.

3. If someone realized they were causing discord in the game, they made a resolution to make it right...no one put up with rule breakers.

4. If you didn't play the game right, no question about it...you had to step out of the square. When you're out; you're out.

As I left the playground, I considered the simple wisdom I witnessed there. Sure a game of 4-square isn't quite the same as the sex abuse crisis, but I couldn't help but wonder what it is about grown men that makes them think they don't have to follow the rules, that they can make adjustments to the goalposts because of a title that's been attached to their name. And I couldn't help but wonder what would happen if we followed the rules of moral law the way kids on a playground followed the rules of 4-square.

But then again, I'm just a youth minister. Who am I to make any judgments on moral law?