Have You Ever Seen an Elephant Hiding in a Tree?

7th grader: Have you ever seen an elephant hiding in a tree?

Me: No.

7th grader: That must mean he's doing a good job.

The day when a kid asked me that question seems so far away. I was cleaning up after an event, and I had a 13 year old boy and his 11-year old sister helping me. Among their tasks was deflating and packing up blow-up animals that had been used for decorations. Having finished the job, the 13-year old asked, "Have you ever seen a box of such sad, depressed animals before?" It was a clever joke, and it was hard to stifle a chuckle. The impromptu comedy routine wasn't over yet as he followed up with jokes about other animals. It was only a couple of months ago, but in hindsight, I miss that kind of banter.

Why?

It's because I miss the way that kids ought to be living.

Kids ought to be living in a world where their biggest concerns are about whether or not someone will laugh at their jokes, whether or not there will be cheese pizza in the cafeteria, whether or not mom and dad will let them ride their bikes to their friends' house a few blocks away. Listening in on conversations from kids I work with, I hear about first iphones, politicians, drinking, and fights between mom and dad. Instead of watching sitcoms like Saved by the Bell and Full House with siblings, they're seeing images of violence and sex on screens that fit into their pockets and building "friendships" with people who they've never met and probably never will.

It's about that time of year when parents are starting to assess their kids' closets to figure out what new clothes and supplies they will need for the new school year. Maybe they're trying to fit in one last vacation to some cool location. Maybe they're even enrolling their kids into some class or activity that will help them go to the head of the class. But if there is anything I want to tell parents right now, it's this: Your kids don't need new clothes, advanced classes, or another activity. Your kids need YOU.

I'm not saying that new things or fun adventures are bad things, but they cannot replace interaction with you as a parent who loves them. There are a lot of things in this world that are pretty awful. That's not me being melancholic. It's just the truth. All you have to do is look at the evening news or scroll through a social media feed to know that. We are surrounded by shootings and shouting; murders and mayhem. As much as we hope that our kids don't catch on to it, they do. We would be naive to think that they don't hear the unkind things we say about politics and politicians or the way we talk about members of the opposite sex or race or creed. For better or worse, they catch it all. My question is not whether or not they should be shielded from these things going on in the world. I advocate teaching kids the reality of the world around them, but I do hope that we are at least filtering current events through a moral lens rather than letting them just accept what they hear from friends or whoever happens to have the loudest voice.

I know what you're thinking: Melissa, what qualifies you to say anything about parenting when you don't have kids? Fair enough. I don't have kids, but I do know something about sacrifice. And parenting involves more sacrifice than any other role I know of. I beg of you, for the sake of your child's well-being and for the sake of your child's soul, please be nosy! Watch what they are doing, what they are listening to, who they are hanging out with, and where they are going. Ask questions about what they're watching and watch it with them. Tell them what you think and exercise your authority as a parent. Keep them safe from what you can for as long as you can. And when they step into that unknown that can be scary, be there to catch their fall.

It makes me think back to that kid with a joke about an elephant. For him, it was no question that there was an elephant hiding in the tree. I, as an adult, lacked the eyes to see them. We need to be astute listeners and observers. Otherwise, those nefarious things that do a good job at hiding will creep in...and they will do an even better job than an elephant hiding in a tree.