Fearless

It's officially a new year, and I can say that I am excited for it. I haven't ever been one to get excited about New Year's Eve. I don't do anything big on December 31st, and while seeing the ball drop in Times Square used to be on my bucket list, it isn't anymore. (Can you imagine how cold it is? And you have to get there early to get a good spot anyway...what if you get hungry? What if you have to go to the bathroom? No thank you!)

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In fact, I spent my New Year's Eve with a friend and her family hanging out, catching up and watching a movie. (By the way, if you haven't seen the movie Searching, go get onto Netflix and watch it NOW. It had just the right amount of suspense! And who would have thought Howard from that White Castle movie could pull off a thriller?) I had a glass of wine on my friend's couch and found my new favorite snack. Forager chips, you made my night. (The chipotle flavor is even better than the cheesy ones. I'm definitely looking to replace my go - to savory snack of chips that leave orange dust on my fingers and these are the top contender!) I was in bed at 11:30 (I just couldn't hold out for the stroke of midnight); meanwhile fireworks were going on outside and I'm sure people were popping champagne as the clock struck 12.

I know that there are several New Year's traditions out there like eating greens and black-eyed peas which I usually choose to ignore, but this year I ended up adopting a more modern practice: choosing a word of the year: Fearless.

Let me explain.

A lot of people may think that someone who is fearless can watch scary movies without jumping out of her seat or that someone who is fearless will run into a burning building without hesitation to save the victims inside, or someone dancing in a storm in her best dress (thumbs up if you see what I did there). But what I have in mind is about way more than that. What I have in mind is rejecting operating out of fear or out of what other people think about me.

I didn't choose a word at the beginning of 2018, but in hindsight I can say it was a year of healing. I spent a lot of time and energy focusing on getting myself better and letting go of things that were not healthy for me. In the process, I found out who I am, Whose I am, and what I value the most. And while I certainly clung to those things, I wasn't always confident in standing up for them in the most trying of times. I knew what I wanted, but I didn't always claim it. I knew when others were saying and doing things that contradicted my values and beliefs, but I was too concerned about what their opinion would be of me if I spoke up. In 2019 I feel confident enough to stand up and say no more fear. Instead of crouching back, I want to stand tall and face things that were once intimidating.

One of the last things I did in 2018 was go to Disneyland with my sister and my 5 year old niece. I've never been one to go on adventurous rides that involve heights and even worse - spinning. I am not a thrill seeker by any means, so when my niece wanted to go on Silly Symphony Swings at Disney's California Adventure, I wasn't too excited about it. (Yeah, I know I'm a baby.) For one thing, you're by yourself in one swing. It takes you up high and swings around. And there you are, suspended in the air as your swing is synchronized with silly symphony music. As I neared the beginning of the line, I almost backed out, but I ended up hopping on for the ride anyway. My sister and her daughter were strapped in behind me and I got into one of those swings and hung on for dear life. It felt a little something like this:

But I made it through it...and I enjoyed it. There was no such thing as "FOMO." I didn't get onto the ride with the word fearless in my mind, but it was definitely in my mind as I got off. The feeling of conquering something that was once scary - and even more, the feeling of knowing I made the decision the take it - on was so satisfying!

This doesn't mean I'm going to say yes to every adventure people invite me on. This doesn't mean I'm going to submit to people whenever they try to get me to do something out of my comfort zone. No. It means I'm going to make decisions based on Truth rather than fear. It means I'm going to live my life embracing the values that I know to be true without worrying about what other people think of me. There's only one opinion that matters. And it belongs to the one who leaned over and whispered into my ear: "Be not afraid. I am with you."